Game of Thrones Season 5 Episode 8 : HardHome | Spoiler Coated Review

Since the pilot episode, we have been told a thousand times that,

“Winter Is Coming!”

And finally, Winter is here. S5E8 probably matched up to the level of all the major episodes from season 3 & 4 combined. Up till now, Season 5 was failing at keeping it up to the expectations of viewers. Now we know where the budget went. The past two episodes have somehow restored my faith in D&D and what exactly are they trying to accomplish. Let us reveal that step by step.

The episode opens in Meereen. Tyrion meets Daenerys as shown in Episode 7, The Gift. Both he and Jorah are summoned before Khaleesi. Tyrion makes a rational and AWESOME argument on why our beloved Queen should not cut his head off.

Yet again we are reminded what makes Peter Dinklage one of the best actors on the show. Ofcourse it doesnt hurt to play one of the main characters on the show. Tyrion starts his job right away, advising Daenerys what to do with Jorah, who sadly does not get any such kind treatment. But Tyrion does spare him from a gruesome death. We see the greyscale spreading.on his forearms. That’s not a good sign.

Oh dear Cersei, Confess. Septa Unella is a VERY good jailor. Spoiler. This continues for a long time. We get to see Cersei tortured very nicely. Something that she is not used to since her birth. Lena has acted the hell out of those few minutes.

“Confess”, says Septa Unella

“Shove it up your arse”

**ow! the spoon slap hurts..**

**to be continued…**

Lana (our new improved Arya, playing the Game of Faces) is being tutored by Jaqen H’ghar on how to watch and learn about people in the city. Training suddenly goes up a level when she’s told to take right turn. And her mission should she chose to accept is to give ‘The Gift’ to a ‘thin-man’ we are introduced later. We do see some jealousy from the ‘other’ girl, after all our little Stark’s a prodigy.

Qyburn visits Cersei and gives her one bad news after another. Her charges are all serious, her brother/lover Jaime has no idea about whats going on, Grand Maester Pycelle instated Kevan Lannister as the Hand of the King, her son the King is starving himself to death. Qyburn may be a shady person, but he’s pragmatic. Confessing her crimes might be the only way (It IS the only way) for Cersei to get out of their in time to do something about the shitstorm that’s going on in the capital.

Sansa, always after getting the worst end of the stick, learns the world is NOT a good place. And the people in it are no exception. She shares a heart-to-heart with Reek/Theon (that dude is f**ked up as hell). Finally after like so many seasons she gets a GOOD news. A real good news that actually matters. This is definitely going to give her a firm reason to stay alive and maneuver among traitors of the North.

The Bolton’s being planning how to crush Stannis. Roose Bolton, is shrewd and cunning. Almost like a replacement of Tywin only on a much smaller scale. Ramsay on the other hand, psycho as he may be, is more like a wild dog. When Roose disagrees to march on Stannis with an army, Ramsay smirks and says,

“Who needs an army? I just need 20 good men…”

Yeah right, Boltons and good men! *screams internally* With a little bit of brains I must add. To plan a sneak attack on Stannis in his own camp, gotta hand it to the bastard, he has special traits but “doing things normally” isn’t one of them.

Before I knew what was in store for us ahead, I thought that this was the best part of episode 8. Tyrion and Daenerys hitting it off. Tyrion is as sharp as ever, his ability to deliver an awesome  comeback on the cue is brilliant. Daenerys is not far off. She’s got the confidence of a dragon. The speak on a LOT of things. Cersei, Jaime, Varys, Tywin, Areys II (the mad king), marriages, ruling, secrets and ofcourse the most important thing The Iron Throne. Daenerys witnesses first hand just how valuable Tyrion is. The ‘wheel’ she spoke of breaking, awesome that it was, singlehandedly (although virtually) built by Tyrion.

Our poor Lord of the Friendzone sells himself into slavery just to be by her side. He’s not lost his mind because of the grayscale. It’s just that he loves her a little too much.

**continued from the earlier part…**

Cersei confess.

Confess.

I’ll make you a rich woman.

**Septa spills water on the floor**

Cersei drinks it.. sobbing

I’m sure we are all LOVING this. I for one cannot get enough. But the upside here is, again, the acting. Lena Heady, who’s pregnant by the way, does an excellent job. From the Queen to Queen regent to Queen Mother to a prisoner. Her journey has been a delight to watch. We just can’t wait to see if/how she exacts her revenge on Septa Unella and the High Sparrow.

Sam took a beating in the last episode and got laid. We don’t see pillow talk but whatever little we saw I think that’s about it.

Olly, I still HATE that boy for killing Ygritte, is one fucked up kid. Saw his parents die, fought in the battle and how old is he 10-12? But you have to admit the kid does raise some concerns. Sam, he worships Jon so reason is out of the window. Every coin has two sides and right now the black coin is spinning in the air. What will it be?

Redditors have a better answer to that.

Jon snow looks really cool riding the little boat, standing on the edge. Longclaw on his waist. But its Stannis’ fleet that grabs our attention. Thats a LOT of Ships. Hardhome is shown as really beautiful bay. We see Lord of bones (Rattleshirt) after a long time. Briefly ofcourse. he’s dead as soon as he opens his mouth. Tormund Giantsbane makes sure D&D stick to the books as much as they can.

We see a new female in supporting role, a role unlike The Sand Snakes. A new Magnar of Thenn’s. And many more elders of numerous Wildling Clans. Also we see again, in quite detail one of the (possibly) important characters. Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun or in short Wun Wun the Giant. The meeting between Jon and the wildling elders, after many pros and cons, takes a turn for unexpected when Tormund vouches for Jon. King Crow they call him. Like Abraham Lincoln once so eloquently put, a house divided against itself will not stand. D&D took that quite literally. Nobody stood, a chance.

Slowly slowly, everyone except the Thenns agree to Jon and Tormund’s concern. But only because they trust Tormund, not the King Crow.

“Torrrrrmmmmuuunnnnddddd”, says the Giant supporting Tormund.

The on-boarding process is quite tedious. We see cute little kids, bigass giants, dogs… Wait, why are they barking? Whats that noise? oh no, oooooh no. Is THAT the ‘Winter’ Ned kept warning us about? Well then Winter isn’t COMING anymore i guess. Its FREAKING HERE!!

Run for your lives. Not that it’s gonna help, but well you can always try. Wait what are you doing Jon, no no NO. Those are freaking zombies out there and… oh fuck it. Who doesn’t love to see our heroes in action,

“Night’s Watch…with me”.

Fuck the knights with their fancy swords and their fancy armors. This is the battle I want to see. The Others. Holy mother of Winter. We can understand D&D making up for past 7 long, action-less episodes but to put everything in this episode. Wun Wun is fighting now. Who the FUCK is that…?

He just walked through fire, so he is definitely NOT a White Walker. One of the Others. One of Craster’s son? One of the 12 heroes who went missing beyond the Wall? And what the fuck is up with that Crystal/Ice Sword? It just shatters everything it touches… Oh right. Fuck that. We got ‘Longclaw’. Valyrian Steel bitches. Or as we fondly like to call it dragonsteel.

[gfycat data_id=”EmbellishedHandyBalloonfish” data_title=”false” data_autoplay=”true” data_controls=”false” data_expand=”true”]

No no, we do not get a happy ending. Not yet. Introducing, the Night’s King.

Tormund and the new chick fight their ass off, and here’s where we see D&D kick ass of all the Zombie movies, games and TV series (Yes, I mean The Walking Dead).

1 million dollar per episode. Totally worth it. Those zombie kids were the BEST of White Walkers. Our new supporting actress couldn’t make it past this episode atleast not alive. The army of the Dead is an awesome one. They are fast, ruthless, dedicated and lack discipline. What else can you expect in an army full of dead people.

Now as to why the Walkers didn’t pursue Jon and others into the sea is something of a mystery. It could be that they cannot swim (highly unlikely) or because they just wanted to show they don’t need to. They can destroy them whenever they want.

The scariest thing was how effortlessly and how many wights the Night’s King reanimated.

This was an episode worthy of the traditional 9th episode super-f**kfest.

But if this was the beginning what will happen next. Next episode’s title is The Dance of Dragons. What to look forward to you ask. Well in the next episode,

Stannis faces a difficult decision; 

Jon returns to the Wall; 

Mace visits the Iron Bank; 

Arya encounters someone from her past; 

Dany oversees a celebration of athleticism.

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